How do we get the men in our lives to give us what we want?

Do we leave them little cryptic notes? Drop hints?  Send psychic messages? Or create a fair trade deal of “I’ll do this if you do that”? Ahhh, no!

If we want a man to give us what we want, then we need to tell him what we want and actually ask for it.  And it’s important to recognise that this is very different to telling a man what to do.

It’s like the difference between telling your waiter, “I’d like the honey-braised spatchcock, please”, as opposed to telling the waiter that you would like him to take out a piece of paper, write down your menu choice, go into the kitchen and tell the cook what you want, wait for the bell and then deliver the plate of delicious food to with a smile. You don’t have to go into such detail; you don’t need to tell him how to do it.  It’s his job, and if he is a good waiter, he will want to serve you.

Likewise, it is your man’s job to provide you with the gift of your desires being met.  You simply need to let him know what your desires are.  And just like the waiter, if you tell your man how to do it, he will likely be offended and probably conveniently forget what you said, rather than hand over his position of being able to – as a sovereign being – fulfil his own desire of meeting your needs.

So why do we go about asking for what we want in such elusive or overly directive ways?  I believe that one of the reasons is that we don’t believe we will get it.  This belief may even have been supported on occasion when you were with a man who didn’t actually care to fulfil your needs, (read: you were with the wrong man). In other circumstances, you might have thought that were saying what you wanted, where in actual fact you were directing your man in how to do it or offering him a fair trade scenario.

Really..? No really?  Are you sure it’s OK to make it all about me?  Doesn’t that mean I’m being selfish and high-maintenance?

Won’t he look for someone who dotes all over him?


Ahhhh, no.  A man wants a woman that helps and assists him in feeling like ‘the man’, and come on girls, doesn’t your gorgeous guy – whether he is in your life already or not – deserve to feel like ‘the man’?  Of course! Plus the good news is that when he is feeling totally like ‘the man’, he will be willing, able and wanting to express it, and to be YOUR man.

So how do we do this?

Naturally, masculine energy is directive, active and external.  Feminine energy is receiving, feeling and internal.  In our awesome contemporary world we have discovered – and are now allowed to have – both masculine and feminine energy operational in us, and I really believe that this is the way it should be.  However in an intimate relationship, it takes each person to be embodying one or the other; masculine or feminine.  This is what creates attraction.  Just like two ends of a magnet, they attract. And if you try and put two ends of the same pole together, what happens…?

This also explains, for those of us who are in long-term relationships, that age-old frustration of wondering, “Where has the romance gone?”.  How many men out there get so tired of hearing a woman say, “If you brought me flowers like you used to, whispered sweet nothings, made special time for me [etc], then maybe I’d actually FEEL like having more sex with you.”?  And how many of us women WANT that spice back in our relationships and so get busy thinking of ways to tell our man what he should do to inspire us back into being open and juicy?

You see the problem with this?

Telling him what to do!  I know, I know, it’s so frustrating to be able to see what we (or the relationship) need and have to sit back and watch nothing happen.  The issue here isn’t that we need to just hope and pray that he will read our minds, no way! It’s just that we need to be in our feminine again.  The problem isn’t that he has stopped doing those things.  It’s that he is no longer inspired to.  He doesn’t feel compelled to treat you like the queen that you are, because all he is getting your masculine energy – and not the powerful, radiant feminine aspect of you that inspires his heart and loins.


If, as a woman, you are living the masculine energy, you are likely in a cycle of being directive and external and of telling your man what to do.  We have all heard men say that they feel cornered or trapped; this has a lot to do with the energies that you are bringing to the relationship.  If you are bringing the masculine energy then you give your man two choices: one is to remain in his masculine energy so that now two of you are being masculine and the two ends of the same pole will repel each other.  If you are being forward, external and directive and this is met with the same masculine energy then you will clash and be competitive and at war.  The other choice is for him to assume the feminine role, and then as women we can tend to feel unfulfilled, unloved, uncared for and wishing for our knight in shining armour.  In the same way he is left feeling emasculated.  Clearly, neither of these choices is desirable.

Naturally, a woman who is living the feminine energy is focused inward on her inner landscape; and this is a magical and mysterious place in a man’s eyes.  It is a place of feelings and desires.  Your fairyland.

This is an intriguing and irresistible place for a man, he can’t help but be drawn in by a woman who is in touch with, and focused on, her fairyland. I can almost hear some of you moaning “Why should I have to tip toe around his ego or to say things his way? Can’t he just get over him self and suck it up?”  Well, hopefully he is on the same path as you, in learning how to relate well to the opposite sex, so there will eventually be a meeting.  However it’s important at this point to ask yourself the question:

Do you want to be right, or do you want to get what you want?

You can keep on telling him what to do, hoping he’ll read your mind or trying fair-trade deals with him, determined not to change your communication style for the moral of it.  If this is your choice, you will probably end up with a man that fights with you, and doesn’t give you what you want, or does what you want and takes the feminine role and stops being the strong direction that you seek. Or, perhaps you have found a prince charming that knows exactly how to stay in his masculine at all times, regardless of what he is being met with (if you ever meet this guy, just be careful he doesn’t turn into a frog, because I can pretty safely guess that it would have to be a magical spell that he is under, which probably won’t last long!).

So it might feel like you are having to change something integral to who you are, but really it just comes down to how you say it and the outcome is pretty simple; you get what you want, your man feels great AND you get to be in that lovely feminine space of receiving.  IF you are one of those women who has ever wondered ‘why don’t men give to me, take care of me, treat me like a princess?’ this may be a key.

When, as a woman, you are focused on your fairyland, you will have his attention.

He will be irresistibly drawn to you. He will treat you as you are – a beautiful, complex, feeling, sensual, vulnerable creature.  He will be able to assume the masculine role in the relationship and be inspired to fulfil your needs.

Our biggest mistake lies in hiding this place, feeling ashamed of it or denying it.  The greatest and most satisfying thing we can bring to a relationship, besides simply focusing on our fairyland, is learning how to communicate it.

Until then, follow your pleasure like a spiritual practice.  Do what makes you juicy, love love love being a woman and love men for their own mystery.  I dare you…

Thanks for reading, watching and sharing.

With love,