How do we get the men in our lives to give us what we want?
Do we leave them poetic, cryptic notes? Drop hints? Send psychic messages? Or do we create a fair trade deal such as: I’ll do this if you do that?
We want to get what we want with ease and sophistication, right? We are women! And we deserve this. Allow me to explain.
If we want a man to give us what we want, then we need to tell him what we want. It’s actually appropriate and necessary to simply ask him.
Yet what’s more important is to recognise that this approach is very different to telling a man what to do.
It’s like the difference between telling your waiter, “I’d like the honey-braised spatchcock, please”, as opposed to requesting that you would like them to take out a piece of paper, write down your order, go into the kitchen and tell the cook what you want. Then, wait for the bell and serve the dish cooked to perfection with a smile.
You don’t need to go into such detail; you don’t need to tell them how to do it – that’s the waiter’s job – if they are a good waiter they will naturally, willingly serve you.
Being waited on by a man is not so different! It is his honour to serve you with the gift of your desires being met. If you can simply let him know what your desires are then the synergy of your dance together can begin.
DO YOU BELIEVE YOU WILL GET IT?
Similar to the waiter, if you tell your man how to do everything, he will most likely be offended and perhaps conveniently forget what you said. He is, after all, a sovereign being and need not be told what to do.
So is this why we go about asking for what we want in either elusive or overly directive ways? From my personal and professional experience I can attest that the core, limiting belief standing in the way of us getting what we desire, is that we don’t believe we will get it.
With this belief running the show, we can sabotage the entire experience of having our relationship dreams fulfilled. Tragic, I know
This belief may have emerged from a past relationship when you were with a man who didn’t actually care to fulfill your needs. (Note-to-self: you were with the wrong man). In other circumstances, you may have attempted to communicate what you wanted and instead, unknowingly directed your man in how to do it, or offered him a fair trade transaction. (Note-to-self: time to brush up on classy communication.)
So you’re telling me it’s okay to make this all about me? Really? Am I reading this correctly? My needs can be fulfilled? My desires are important? Having my needs and desires met does NOT mean I am selfish and high-maintenance?
Surely he will run off with someone less demanding, more doting?
Suspend your disbelief ladies, and believe you me, a man wants a woman that helps and assists him in feeling like the man, and this process is inextricably linked to him stepping into his masculine power. It affords him the opportunity to be, the man.
Let’s not take this away from him.
Doesn’t your adorable guy-whether he is in your life already or not -deserve to feel like the man? Of course! Plus, the good news is that when he is feeling like the man, he will be willing, able and wanting to express all the handsome manliness that he is, and to be, YOUR man!
So backtrack a moment to the fundamentals of what we are dealing with here and you will see that this is not rocket science but a type of chemistry that once you understand you can enable it in yourself and lead from a place of confidence and magnetic attraction.
MASCULINE AND FEMININE SPARKS AT PLAY
Naturally, masculine energy is directive, active and external. Feminine energy is receptive, sensual, intuitive and internal. In the progressive, contemporary world we have discovered -and are encouraged -to ensure both masculine and feminine energy is activated within us, and I strongly believe that this is beneficial and aligned with our natural evolution.
However, in an intimate relationship, it takes each person to embody either the masculine or feminine for attraction to occur. There needs to be a charge, a spark. A yin for the yang.
This is no different to a magnet. If you put the ends of the same pole together, they repel. Ever wondered why those men kept walking the other way the more you poked a directive stick at them?
This also helps to understand, for those of us who are in long-term relationships, that age-old frustration of wondering, Where has all the romance gone?
How many men out there get so tired of hearing a woman say, If you brought me flowers like you used to, whispered sweet nothings, made special time for me, etc, etc, then maybe I’d actually FEEL like having more sex with you.
And how many of us women WANT that spice back in our relationships yet are so confused and uptight overthinking ways we can tell our man what he needs to do, to inspire us back into the bedroom? To elicit that openness, juiciness, gorgeousness, that is our natural state of feminine beauty, aroused and receptive. Held and free.
So you see the problem I’m pointing to?
Telling him what to do! Explaining what he needs to do! Directing him on how to be the man!
It simply just does not create nor beckon the man. The man you desire, love and behold in your heart of hearts who is ready and waiting to worship and honour you for the beautiful woman that you are … let him become that, by you becoming more naturally you, with the essence of the feminine to guide you home.
Consider that he may feel more compelled to treat you like the queen when the powerful, radiant feminine aspect of you is awakened, for this is what inspires his heart and loins.
If, as a woman, you are living the masculine energy, you are likely in a cycle of being directive and external and of telling your man what to do.
We have all heard men say that this makes them feel cornered or trapped. Consider the energies that you are bringing to the relationship.
If you are overactive with masculine energy then you give your man two choices:
1. To remain in his masculine energy so that now two of you are being masculine and the two ends of the same pole will repel. If you are being forward, external and directive and this is met with the same masculine energy then you will clash and become competitive and at war.
2. For him to assume the feminine role, and then as women we tend to feel unfulfilled, unloved, uncared for and wishing for our knight in shining armour to save the day. As a result, he is left feeling emasculated.
Neither of these choices are desirable, are they?
YOUR SACRED CONNECTION TO YOUR SELF
I know, I know, it can be frustrating to clearly see what we or the relationship needs in order to flourish, then have to sit back and watch nothing happen until one day he might read your mind.
But the sitting back is misconstrued here as remaining in a place of inertia and compliance. How about, leaning into your feminine nature, allowing the force and will to effortlessly melt away as you surrender to your intuition, your inner-sanctuary, the sacredness of the connection you nurture with you self and that wellspring you hold precious where you conjure your wildest dreams and desires.
How about tuning in with Her, for what you want and need, and like a spiritual practice, step out from this place when you approach the man who you believe can honour you from this place?
TRUST YOUR FAIRYLAND!
Naturally, a woman who embodies her feminine energy is focused inward on her inner landscape and this is a magical and mysterious place in a man’s eyes. It is a place of feelings and desires. It is your fairyland.
This is an intriguing and irresistible place for a man. He can’t help but be drawn in by a woman who is in touch with and focused on, her fairyland. (If he
follows the bread crumbs, he becomes more the man!)
I can almost hear some of you moaning Why should I have to tip toe around his ego or to say things his way? Can’t he just get over him self and suck it up? Well, ideally he is on the same path as you in learning how to relate in a healthy and nourishing dynamic with the opposite sex, so there can eventually be an ecstatic bond.
However, it’s important at this point to ask yourself the question:
Do you want to be right, or do you want to get what you want?
You can keep on telling him what to do, hoping he’ll read your mind or throw fair-trade deals at him, determined not to change your communication style for having too much pride.
And if this is your choice, you will probably end up with a man that fights with you and doesn’t give you what you want, or does what you want and takes the feminine role and stops being the strong anchor and direction that you seek.
Or, perhaps you have found a prince charming that knows exactly how to stay in his masculine at all times, regardless of what he is being met with. (If you ever meet this guy, just be careful he doesn’t turn into a frog because I can safely guess that it would have to be a magical spell that he is under, which probably won’t last long!)
IT’S HOW YOU SAY IT
So, it might feel as though you are changing something integral to who you are, but really it just comes
down to how you say it.
The outcome is very simple: you get what you want, your man feels the man AND you get to be in that lovely feminine space of receiving. If you are one of those women who has ever wondered Why don’t men give to me, take care of me, treat me like a princess? … this may very well be the magic shiny key to both your hearts.
When, as a woman, you are focused on your fairyland, you will always hold his attention. He will be irresistibly drawn to you. He will treat you as you are – a beautiful, complex, sensitive, sensual, vulnerable creature. He will be able to assume the masculine role in the relationship and instinctively be inspired to fulfill your needs.
biggest mistake lies in hiding the innate wisdom of our fairyland, not trusting in its yearnings. Feeling ashamed of it or denying it or scared to share it. The greatest and most satisfying thing we can bring to a relationship, besides simply focusing on our fairyland, is learning how to communicate it.
Until then, follow your pleasure like it’s the lighthouse of your love life. Do what makes you feel radiant. Love love love being a woman, AND the unique woman that you are, and love men for their own journey and the mystery of their becoming.
I dare you.
Dare to express those callings.
I trust they will be heard.
Thanks for reading, watching and sharing.