I’ve noticed in my own marriage, that I have come to a time where I need to be separate… And in the past this meant it was time to separate…But not any more…
Have you ever found yourself in a relationship where you really love the person or really want to be in the relationship but keep on feeling like you just have to get out? Or like you want to work it out but it just keeps on going around and around in circles? You also know that it’s not ‘all their fault’ that you are contributing to the issues but you just can’t seem to stop the behaviour..?
This feeling, this kind of ‘merry go round’ often leads to inevitable, even if reluctant and regrettable breaking up. But when you are married or have a family or have some sort of extra reason to stay, breaking up becomes a lot harder to do.
So, for many of us, we try to ‘work it out’ we make pacts with each other and ourselves. We negotiate. We may even try some counselling but for most of us, we end up back at this same place eventually and for many of us we still end up breaking up.
While there is nothing wrong with a relationship ending when it has come to its natural end. (If your values and vision no longer match)
There must be a way to stay in a relationship long term whilst being authentic and still feeling like you are growing and choosing to be there.
This is where the need for separation comes in.
What if it is natural for us to need to take time apart? What if it was not only natural but necessary for us to have autonomous time in order to be able to hear our inner guidance and to keep growing in accordance with what life desires for us?
If we were alone and single then we have all the time in the world to tend to our own individual needs for growth. We are able to listen to our own inner calling and follow it. We are also very aware of what is our own blockages to life and love and our own insecurities and fears. But when we are with another person every single day then this line becomes very blurred. This is why relationships have cycles.
We come closer and we move further apart.
We come closer when we are full and aware and have love to share, we move further apart when we are feeling empty and needing to fill our cup. When we are empty we can become confused and a little lost. So, often when we are moving into emptiness we feel we can’t be in the relationship anymore, we may feel the need to be on our own to reconnect with our selves.
When we are committed and this part of the cycle comes around we can feel trapped and this is where the arguing and disconnection, blame and depression can come in.
But what if we were able to recognise these cycles and honour them? What if we were able to create some separateness within the relationships without breaking up? And without having to physically go away? So that we can honour our own and each others need to come back to them self without taking it personally?
Not only could it ‘save the relationship’ but it could also bring back desire because while love needs security, desire needs space.
If this interests you and you would like to talk more about how this looks and how it could work. Stick around and join in the conversation xxx