Are you the kind of girl that seems to have lovers or boyfriends pretty often but can’t seem to find the one to settle down with?
Douche bags aside, there have actually been a bunch of really nice guys who started off as pretty awesome but in the end just didn’t measure up ?
Is it possible that you are waiting for the perfect man that doesn’t exist?
If this is the case, do you wonder ‘why on earth would I be doing this and if I know I’m doing it, why do I keep on doing it?’
(The definition of insane!)
If you grew up in a household where your parent’s relationship was stressed or unhappy.
Or where your relationship with one or both of your parents was stressed or unhappy, it is possible that you may have created a Walt Disney fantasy? – I did.
Of course, this was all very unconscious as a kid but now as an adult after many failed relationships and bitter disappointments where the men in my life simply did not meet up to my expectations I got to a point of asking ‘hang on a minute, what if its not you, its me!?”
Now this comes with a WARNING:
If the guy in question is not calling you, not introducing you to his friends, not wanting to commit to anything more than a booty call, doesn’t listen to you, tells you that you are crazy when you have a feeling etc.. then this next part of my blog does not apply. He is either a no strings attached lover with your consent or you are kidding yourself and you need to GTF outta there!
On the other hand, if your guy is an otherwise decent, loving and good person but you still keep on finding all the things wrong, you may be a victim to the Walt Disney Fantasy…
I know now that I didn’t have a very good example of a loving relationship and so I took snippets and tid bits of ideas and images from the sources around me. Now in addition to such fabulous fodder as Cinderella and Sleeping beauty, for me, growing up in the 80’s and 90’s I was offered such high quality relational ideals as ‘The Brady bunch’ and Scott and Charlene in their Neighbours wedding.
I actually remember very clearly every Saturday afternoon as a school aged child whilst I did my weekly house chores of dusting and vacuuming, I would pretend to be poor old Cinderella whose evil stepmother and sister (sorry mum and Rachael!) had me doing all the menial tasks whilst they sipped high tea.
All of which I did with the graceful demeanour of a princess – Of course this wasn’t true, my mum and my sister did more menial tasks than me and I bitched and moaned like a pain in the butt.
Anyhow I digress.
The point is, this motley crew of made up relationships formed my new idea of what relationships were meant to look like!! OMG indeed.
What I am wondering is if it’s possible that you too have created an unrealistic, Walt Disney fantasy of how a relationship should look?
An ideal that you carry around with you in your unconscious that you use as a safety guard check list when ever you meet a guy?
Is it possible that when you meet a guy and he is putting forth his best prince charming impersonation, everything is ok, but then when his inevitable humanness shines through, his flaws and weaknesses; When he is unable to ALWAYS be available to listen to how you feel, when he forgets a birthday or doesn’t take you away on a romantic holiday to Venice for your anniversary or when he comes to you for sex without considering ‘where you are at’ as a once or twice off.
When he loses confidence in his direction, or when he gets too drunk and makes a fool of himself in front of your friends then you have this strong feeling that he is ‘not the guy for you after all.’
That what is really happening, is that he is not checking off on your unrealistic, unattainable, Walt Disney fantasy of what a relationship is supposed to be like?
I don’t know.
Maybe it’s just me and the stacks of women that I have worked with.
Or maybe, if you are one of those women who are blessed with finding and attracting men pretty often.
Good men, nice men but you can never seem to find the ‘right one.’
Maybe it could help to have a reality check.
I did.
I had a big hard, sobering look at myself and realised that although I am of course a gorgeous, sensual, beautiful, smart prize of a woman.
I am, and will always, also be a flawed human that loses my temper, has tantrums, gets judgmental and can be selfish.
So if Prince Charming were actually as Walt Disney perfect as my unrealistic model imagines him to be, he wouldn’t want to be with me any way and if he did, I wouldn’t measure up!!!
So, realistically you either want perfection or relationship you simply can’t have both, not for too long anyway.
Thanks for reading, watching and sharing.
With love,
xoxo
Belle